Alexi Lalas May Have Shaved the Hair, But He's Still Really High

The departure of the suddenly very much not washed-up David Beckham after he resurrected his career along with Real Madrid's title hopes to American shores has spawned a lot of mostly unfair criticism of America and its long running obsession with hating soccer. MLS has problems but it's a real league that is probably on a par with second-tier Euro leagues around UEFA. Alexi Lalas, however, goes too far:

"The fact that a segment of the world worships an inferior product in the Premiership is their business,'' Lalas said in an interview with The Guardian published Tuesday.

"In England, our league is considered second class, but I honestly believe if you took a helicopter and grabbed a bunch of MLS players and took them to the perceived best league in the world they wouldn't miss a beat and the fans wouldn't notice any drop in quality.''

Oh. My. God. (Becky, look at her butt, etc.)

Preposterous to claim the product is inferior, especially because the Premiership, and most footie leagues around the world, have structured themselves such that the games actually matter. There are championships to win and relegation to avoid and prestigious cup competitions to gain entry to. In England, West Ham escaped the drop with a remarkable, improbable late-season charge. In Spain, Real Madrid won La Liga in a stirring championship race unparalleled in American soccer. And why? Because 8 of 13 teams make a generic playoff and there is no relegation, rendering almost every MLS game entirely meaningless. It is no surprise one system is filled with rabid partisans and the other with aimless soccer moms and their flag-waving children.

As for the assertion that a bunch of MLS players could be transported into the Premiership and not immediately go the Watford route, well... maybe. But Juan Pablo Angel could get off the bench at Villa in recent years and he is now obviously the best player in the league. By, like, lots. It is possible one of the better teams in the league could scrape by. And an MLS all star team would be pretty darn respectable. But All Star teams do not play but once a year.

It's amazing and depressing how adeptly Lalas went from obvious stoner and sometimes defender to hacky corporate suit, but at least he's still reading High Times. Now about the Galaxy's record...